Changed relationship

In the first phase after suffering a brain injury, in the hospital and in the rehabilitation center, it is mainly about survival and physical recovery.
Psychological support often falls short in this.
The person suffering from a brain injury does not know what is happening to him/her. Often feels confused or abandoned by his/her partner and/or blames him/her. This can be because the person is not allowed to go home, is fixated, does not understand what is going on.

 

The partner is also 'surviving', is busy with arranging, hospital visits, caring for and is stuck in a tangle of roles, multiple roles.

Being a partner of... being a mother, employee, informal caregiver, etc. In this phase it is important that the partner of the affected involves friends, start the conversation and seek support! If necessary, seek professional support.

 

Read on the internet about behavioral changes or character changes in people with brain damage. Discuss it with caregivers.

Right hemisphere damage and frontal brain damage in particular cause behavioral changes. Patients are not always teachable on behavior. (See our page about disinhibited behavior)

 

Left hemisphere damage often causes aphasia, in which case communication is severely disrupted. Although many people with aphasia can also find vocabulary again.
Limit behavior... indicate what is really not allowed. Indicate your boundaries. Keep this up as calmly and clearly as possible.

 

Both people are working incredibly hard and looking forward to being able to go home again.
But then... then the initial stress is over. Real life begins. The structure of the hospital and rehabilitation department falls away and the partner often has to provide the structure, where previously strange eyes forced. The relationship is under pressure.
"Get off that couch, you really have to move or do something", the person affected can start to feel dependent. The partner can feel like the caregiver. Stress. Arguing. The partner often holds back because the other is sick anyway, can't do anything about it.

 

Many people with brain injury hold back, unless they have lost their ability to empathize. They feel like a burden or want to avoid a fight because they feel dependent.
Discuss it with each other as much as possible! Stay in touch!
No instructions for use came with the injury.

 

In the phase after returning home, the second phase, there is mourning. Discuss it with each other as much as possible.
What have we lost together? What has changed? What has changed for me?

Whoever can start the conversation here has won the first battle.
Cry together. Mourn together.

 

Address the other person's behavior. Even if you feel guilty because the person with brain damage can't do anything about it. If you don't start talking now, the step will only get bigger. Set your boundaries for what is not acceptable in the other person's behavior.
Not everyone with brain damage has insight into his or her own behavior. This is particularly lacking in people with damage to the right hemisphere of the brain and in people with frontal damage.

 

If you can't figure this out together, get someone who understands brain damage. Start a conversation to move forward. If necessary, get a professional involved, for example a psychologist. 

Don't pay attention to what the outside world says, because they really don't understand brain damage. That's just judgment.

Create your own space in time and possibly in your own room. Such as sleeping separately, for example. The person with the injury also needs their own space and rest. Then you can possibly choose to sleep together if you both need that.
They are courageous people who make a well-considered, non-unilateral decision to choose the best of all the bad solutions that can still yield something beautiful.
That only creates more peace in the house.
As a partner, don't behave as if you have a brain injury, you also suffer from brain injury but don't have it.